"Will My Tears Slick Back My New Mullet?": Regrettable Hair Decisions Pt. 2

When we last spoke of my Bad Hair Sitch, there was definitely more of it. It may have been orange soda coloured and I may have been crying, but those were the tears of a newly minted graduate, full of promise and alcohol. Nowadays, things are different. Now I have a real adult job. But alas, that's not what brings us here.

People often think that only teenagers are prone to peer pressure. THEY ARE WRONG. My job includes me spending a large chunk of the day scrolling through Instagram staring at sexy photos of my idol (Mother Theresa, naturally. JK KYLIE JENNER.) I had had it. I wanted to overhaul my life. Nothing too drastic. Just a little upkeep. I would get a small trim. Nothing drastic. Barely noticeable. Social media can make you delusional, and I was definitely a victim.

This is the photo I brought in. I was going for an alluring, mouth-breathing-insta-girl kind of vibe.

Which is why somebody will need to explain to me how I came out with a backwards version of THIS!?!?!?

Zendaya is fire with her mullet whereas I am more basement entrapment victim. It has now been a good three weeks since The Incident, and I have managed to steer clear of all selfies/snapchats/Instagrams and photographs. As someone whose job sometimes includes being on camera, this is a feat in itself. Now anyone who knows me knows that sometimes I can *exaggerate* but BIBLE, there were obvious signs that my haircut is a call for help from my hairstylist. She asked what my "boundaries were" and if there was anything she could do to make me cry. It was then that I started to black out. When I came to, all my hair was gone and I could feel a foreign breeze on the back of my neck, and my stylist was explaining to me that I was going to be giving off major 60's Jetsons vibes as I wilded out and tried to whack the blow drier out of her hand while yelling that I was more suited to this decade.

In case you are wondering what could possibly have distracted me so much that I could bare to look away from my own intoxicating reflection for more then 2.5 seconds, please see the photo below.

This is the actual screenshot of what I spent an hour staring at in horror, then researching and sending to (honest to god), maybe 25 people. Was this fucking hideous haircut punishment for wanting to #FREEMEEKMILL? If so, then you can have the rest of my hair. Now I know you're probably thinking "Ooo I bet your hair isn't even that bad, I want the cheese mullet back." Well here you go. The following victim was disguised as a koala to protect her own dignity. No screenshots plz.